I'm so sorry to hear about your partner. It does not matter how long you've been with someone if you love them and now they're gone, it hurts like heck! I'm coming up on my 6th year anniversary of my beloved's death and it seems no easier today than it was before.
It's been a long journey for me. For the first year, the crying was constant and hard to control. The sense of loss with so few people to talk about it with is what probably hurt even more. Because, of course, my BJ would have been there for me --to console me; to hold me while I cried; to make it better.
If you would like to chat more, please contact me anytime. The best way to get me is probably by email at firstname.lastname@example.org.