Hello Peg, today is my day for the tears. They just don't seem to want to stop and are uncontrollable. Life after Joel is no life at all. All the doctors and all the medications in the world cannot fix this broken heart or remove al the loneliness that I am feeling as I am sure you know all to well. They say time heals everything. I sure hope it takes some of this pain away.It has been four months now but it seems like yesterday. If only I could tell him I love him one more time. I seem to have a lot of "if only's" these days. M

Hello Peg, today is my day for the tears. They just don't seem to want to stop and are uncontrollable. Life after Joel is no life at all. All the doctors and all the medications in the world cannot fix this broken heart or remove al the loneliness that I am feeling as I am sure you know all to well. They say time heals everything. I sure hope it takes some of this pain away.It has been four months now but it seems like yesterday. If only I could tell him I love him one more time. I seem to have a lot of "if only's" these days. M

Thank you, Peg, for your caring comments. Tomorrow would have been our 21st wedding anniversary. It is so difficult. I'm so sad all the time. Karl loved the Fourth of July. Going to fireworks was his passion. Even though over a year has gone by, I can not adjust to the fact that he is no longer here. I know it takes time to heal, but I'm not sure, in my case, why it's taking so long.

Peg, The children can go on much more easily because they do have families to keep their minds occupied just as I did when my parents passed. It was hard but I had my husband to lean on and my kids to keep me busy. Now, I don't have him and the children still have their kids to keep them busy. They are great but it simply does not compare to having my husband with me. I had to give the dogs away because of the fighting and I could not take care of them anymore. I did get a little puppy. I am wondering what Phil would have said about me letting the dogs go. I feel like everything I love is going away from me. I don't know how I am going to handle it. I am glad your transplant is not needed right now. When and if it is, we will all be there to help you through it. God Bless You, Peg. I am praying for you.

Peg, Thank God for the good news. I am so happy to hear that you do not need the transplant at this time. Just remember, if in the future it comes to it, they do remarkable procedures with transplants now. I am really happy for you.

Hi Peg, My doctor told us a story about him going to a viewing and the wife of the man stood there and said "do you like that blue suit, he hated it and that is why I buried him in it." People are really weird sometimes. Can you believe that a wife would deliberately do something like that. There had to be love at some point if they married. How can you live with yourself if you need to get back at a person when they have passed away. Unbelievable!!!!! I believe that I did exactly what Phil wanted as far as his burial. He had told me several times what cemetery he wanted to be buried in and how. That is what I did. It is just so hard for me to believe that he is gone and my heart is breaking all the time. Peg, thanks for the conversations. It has been so helpful and it makes me feel so much better to have people to talk to anytime, all the time.

Peg, Seeing a couple together at about your age sometimes makes you feel, not exactly jealous, but I guess cheated would be a good description. I would not begrudge anyone a long and healthy life and marriage but I do feel that we could have had many more years together and I don't understand why we didn't get them. There are people that are totally miserable together but they are still together and we don't have that any longer. It isn't jealousy but it does hurt. God Bless your family 61 years and 68 years together. That is fantastic!!!!!

Hello Peg, thank you for your condolences. I know that you are right about the birthdays and anniversaries. There were so many times that were special. Times that we declared special even if it meant just stopping at an ice cream stand. Pretty silly huh but it didn't seem that way at the time or for that matter even now. My husband counted the first time that we made love at the top of the list almost like an anniversary.lol He was very sentimental and romantic in many way but was still what some people would call "a man's man."

When the cancer started to take over I know that it was devastating to him because it was something that he could not control or take charge of as he did with most things in his life. He was a full blooded Irishman and i used to tease him telling him that his Irish temperment would kick in sooner or later and he would beat that awful decease even when I knew deep down in my heart that he wouldn't be able to because by the time the doctors discovered the cancer it was already in stage 3B and there was no turning it back. I knew that God had come to take him home. It has been nine days now. Nine eternities and I am wondering how many eternities I will be able to get through with out him.