I lost my brother billy 14 yrs ago to a sudden heart attack, he was only 38 and
my only sibbling not to mention my best friend. I had to call his daughter, go and
tell my mother and see my father cry for the first time. I couldn't except he was
dead and starting shaking him and yelling at him even though he was stiff and
cool when i arrived at the hospital. I was so mad at him... what was he doing
and why wouldn't he talk to me i almost pulled him off the table.. this wasn't
surpose to happen, i needed him. I had been going through a bad time and he
was always there to listern, yell, make me laugh even when i was crying and
why????why??? would he do this to me...how selfish to just go away and leave
me with my crazy parents, his dog, his funeral and bills and his house to clean
out....his things to sell, to fix, calls to make because my parents said i had to do
everything because that was their son and kids don't die first..okay but what
about me....well after taking care of his most important things i shut down and
ended up in the hospital and was punished by my parents for that. No farthers
day my dad said...no cards,gifts nothing his son is dead. After years of heartache
i lost my best friend to cancer, i took care of her for over a year went to all dr.
appts. and chemo & radiation and then held her hand when she died. I also
found my grandmother dead in her chair in the nursing home. But the worst
was still yet to come.... almost 3 yrs ago i got breast cancer and had to tell
my parents, my dad just cried thinking that now he would loose me, the only
one left... Well my dad decided to have back surgery due to the fact that his back was closing up and he was having trouble walking and he wanted to
be able to take me for my radation (every day for 2 months) I refused chemo.
Well what should of been a 2 day hospital stay for him ended up being 2 months
of nursing homes and hospital stays because he got MRSA-- the killer infection
from the hospital. Well trying to be strong for my dad because he was so worried about me was very hard I was all burnt from the treatments and so
weak and tied but kept being with him. He came home after over 2 months and
1 week later my daddy, my buddy, the one who worried about me the most and
helped me in so many ways DIED. I laid on the bed next to him holding him as
tight as i could crying and kissing him and everyone including myself thought
it was all over for me, to this day i don't know how i kept going on. But that
wouldn't be the last of my problems, 1 yr ago my boyfriend of 5 yrs was in a
very bad car accident, he was paralized on his right side, had bleeding on his
brain and almost died 2 times, i told my friends if he dies i'm killing myself.
I think there were times that some people were more worried about me, but
guess what i had a good think happen to me....can you believe that?????
on my 50th birthday his leg and arm moved....what a gift even though he was
induced in a coma that was the best birthday present i ever got. As of today
the only problem he has is sometimes remembering things but thats ok. So
this most of my life story, of course there was and still is alot more but whatever.
I just really miss my DADDY and i know i shouldn't be but i'm very mad at him
for leaving me...he promised he wouldn't leave me even when he wished he
was dead, i said what about me dad, what will happen to me, and if you want
to lay down and die then so do i and he cried and said he would never say that
again or wish it and we would be together.